Ooh just look at that definition.
Jupiter of Smyrna from the Louvre. Source
I also have to put out everyone else's fires too, since I am the biggest, greatest person of all time. My stupid son Apollo decided it'd be a great idea to let some random kid who claimed to be his son take over our entire marketing division for the day. How dumb can you be! The entire company almost went up in flames because that kid doesn't know how to take the reins! We would have been in serious trouble if I hadn't stepped in and kicked the kid out of here so fast it looked like he went up in a puff of smoke. I like to call that one the Ol' Lightning Bolt, cause I fire people so fast they're gone in a flash. Apollo got super mopey after after that though and refused to go back to work for the longest time. I eventually got him back on schedule though.
This may seem like a lot of work, but don't worry, your man Jupiter knows how to play. My wife Juno always gets in the way though and ruins all the fun. There was this one girl, but I can't remember her name. (Phoronis? Io? Phoronio? Eh, who cares?) She was the daughter of the guy in charge of my water transportation division and, boy, was she something else. So much so that I just had to go and try the goods for myself if you know what I mean. I was really smart about it too. I did all my usual sneaking out and I even set up smoke machines outside all our windows. A literal smokescreen! Genius, I know. Juno just had to get suspicious though. I can't believe she can't trust me anymore. Why won't she just let me go out and have some fun! Anyways, I had a feeling Juno would come looking, so I had Phoronio or whatever her name was put on a cow suit and I told Juno I was going to open a steakhouse or something for her and this is the mascot. know, I know, my genius really knows no bounds.
That's not the end of it either! There was this other girl from our Hunting division, working under my daughter Diana. Callisto I think her name was. Really, how could I not hit her up? Call is right there in her name! So I do just that. I pretend to be Diana (I'm amazing at impressions too) and meet up with her and you know how the rest goes. Diana kept the girl around for a while, but eventually she had to lay her off. And, OF COURSE, Juno knew about my little bit of fun and just had to have her revenge. She made the girl wear a bear costume and wander around our sports and outdoors stores! It was pretty funny, but I guess I did feel a little bad for her so I made her a star in our late night TV series, Ursa You Thought.
This last one I do actually feel kind of bad about. This one girl, Semele, somehow got it in her head that she could keep up with my crazy lifestyle. One day she asks me for a favor. Being the kind, generous, amazing person I am, I of course oblige. She says she can handle whatever I throw at her and wants to see me at my absolute best. I knew it was a bad idea, but I'm a man of my word. I went up to my penthouse at the top of the Olympus Building and did my best to tone the partying down, but she just couldn't handle the lightning. She ended up completely burned out and left and she left her kid. Being the kind, compassionate, fatherly man I am, though, I decided to raise him myself. Man, that kid could really party too. Even as a baby he could drink more wine than most adults. Bacchus always was a party-fiend.
The fiend in all his glory.
Bacchus as a Child, Source
Author's Notes:
This is a retelling of a few of the
metamorphoses stories from Ovid's Metamorphoses. These stories are Deucalion
and Pyrrha, Io, Phaethon, Callisto, and Semele. In all of these stories Jupiter
is a monstrous jerk, which I decided to run with. A modern image of this is the
super pompous rich guy who just does what he wants.
In Deucalion and Pyrrha's story, Jupiter
is angry so he and Neptune flood the planet to wipe out all life, except for
two people. These people are Deucalion and Pyrrha, the oldest and most loyal
humans. New humans are then created from stones they threw.
Io's story is less uplifting. She is raped
and turned into a heifer by Jupiter. She is later returned to normal after
Juno's rage has subsided.
Phaethon was a boy who claimed to be the
son of Apollo. Looking to prove this he goes to Apollo's palace and asks for proof.
Apollo agrees and Phaethon asks to drive the chariot of the sun across the sky.
Very reluctantly, Apollo agrees. The boy immediately loses control and threatens
the whole earth.
Callisto was one of the huntresses that
ran with Diana. Jupiter disguised himself as Diana, raped, and impregnated her.
The actual Diana finds out about this and exiles Callisto. After Callisto gives
birth, Juno gets her revenge and turns Callisto into a bear. After 15 years Callisto
and her son meet again and Jupiter turns them into the Great and Little Bear
constellations, or Ursa Major and Minor.
Semele, another mistress, was already
pregnant when Juno found out. As revenge, Juno convinced Semele to ask Jupiter
to show his true self to her. Semele is burned up as a result. Her child
survives, though, and is raised by Jupiter. This is Bacchus, the god of
wine.
Bibliography:
Metamorphoses by Ovid, link to reading page
While I can't say I particularly loved reading about how misogynistic and horrible Jupiter was, you did a good job of translating it to the real world. It really made me realize I definitely shouldn't pick this reading for next week because I won't be able to ignore how monstrous Jupiter and Zeus are. I did think the name of the TV show being "Ursa You Thought" was super clever though.
ReplyDeleteWow, what an excellent retelling of these stories. Incredibly imaginative! I've always envisioned Jupiter being a bit of playboy (after all, he does sleep with just about anyone or anything). I think there was quite a bit of clever alterations throughout such the "... made her a star in our late night tv series, Usra You Thought." I love how Jupiter finds all of his acts brag-worthy. You strike that misogynistic chord perfectly. He dismisses his wife's concerns. He wants nothing more than to sleep around. He thinks the world of himself, and that everything would go to shambles without his divine intervention. Overall, I'm super glad I read this story. I would love to see what other fun and creative things you could do with these kind of stories. You just seem very natural at translating old stories into modern day versions. One perspective that might be interesting to explore is if Olympus Inc. had shareholders, and what their views on Jupiter would be. Excellent job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you wrote this story. You made it a collection of Jupiter's stories. It was not just his love life but how he recreated the world and even how he had to kill Phaethon. The best part was that you wrote this in present day form not like it was back in the day which was really cool.
ReplyDeleteThis story is quite unique David! I was interested right from the start when I read the introduction at the top. The idea of him being so much more rich than Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark was great. I really like how you personified the personality of Jupiter with his storytelling style. He was so laid back and arrogant, which made it somewhat comical too! I can totally imagine a mythology god having a personality such as this. I think it was neat also that you retold the stories with your own twist on them. Liquidating the company was a great illusion to the flood. I hadn't really read the story before (only heard of them), but you wrote them so well that I was able to catch on to some of the illusions even before I read the author's note. I would've liked to see a little more of your thought process in the author's note rather than more of a summary of each story though. Good story overall!
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I did this reading too, and I like the way you adapted it. I agree with you about Zeus being so antagonistic in that collection of stories. That’s why this is an interesting idea—changing the setting slightly and putting it in Zeus’ POV to make the voice stronger. It comes off almost as a stage monologue.
ReplyDeleteThe little references and easter eggs are what makes this piece fun. For example, Zeus saying he has a “multi-billion-drachma company” and how, when he fires people, he calls it giving them “the ol’ lightning bolt.”
If you’d like suggestions for edits, I have a couple. You could talk a little more about the “starting company” in the second paragraph—I didn’t realize until the end that it alluded to the story of the flood. You might mention some other details about reducing the workforce or something—though saying it was a “liquidation” was a nice touch. The second thing is, I bet this story would benefit from a little more concrete detail, like describing people and settings, zooming in a little more on the action, and going a little more in-depth about some of the conflicts.
Great piece! You’re good at writing comedy.
The first thing I want to comment on is the title to your story! It's great and really drew me in to comment on it as one of my story options. In the second paragraph, you mention the "house" but I think you may mean "hose". In the fourth paragraph, you have the sentence, "Know, I know" and I think you may mean "now, I know." I think this story is really awesome. I love that it's a very humorous monologue! After reading the author's note, I'm really shocked by all of the awful things that these different characters go through. This main character is a really awful person! How does he make friends? And if he has a lot of friends I don't think they could stand the guy for very long. I might add more interactions among the characters like there are in the source story, but the monologue does it's work well to get the point across about this guy. This is a great story and I laughed several times. I look forward to reading more of your portfolio in the future.
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